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Which Witch Is Which? 26 Signs You’re A Witch

Ah, the Salem witch trials, a time when sentencing your neighbors to death was basically a way to pass the time.

Yes, this was a time in America before it was even America, where having a pet cat, an herb garden, or an introverted personality made you a prime suspect to be sentenced to death. It was a time of genuine fear, pain, and betrayal, conjured by people within one’s own community. 

But the real question is: what would have happened to YOU?

To answer that, we’ll go through some of the most common lifestyle practices that would’ve put a target on your back for Ann Putnam and her cronies to put you on trial. 

Not Having Enough (or Any) Kids: Voluntarily decided to forego the kiddos? You must’ve cast a spell on your vile uterus, cursed your unholy ovaries, or overall screwed up your womb.

Unexplained Illness: Got a common cold? It’s not a virus. It’s witchcraft.

Being Too Old: Congratulations, you’ve lived a long life. Now you’re a prime suspect. 

Being Too Young: Alternately, being too young makes you equally suspicious. The youngest witch accused and found guilty during the Salem trials was Dorothy Good, who was only 4-years-old when she confessed to being a witch. Her mother was accused and hanged after her confession.

Non-Christian Religious Beliefs: Do you believe in Buddhism? Or Hinduism? Or anything else that the rest of your neighbors don’t? Witch alert!

Dissenting Opinions: Hope you don’t want to go into politics. Voicing your opinion could lead you to an accusation.

Widowhood: Lost your spouse? It’s probably your own fault. You must’ve cast a spell on them.

Strange or Forward Behavior: If you ever backtalked someone or danced a little too enthusiastically at a party, congratulations, you’re a witch!

Scars, Moles, or Birthmarks: That scar on your knee? Definitely a Devil’s mark. And don’t get me started on that mole on your back.

Had Sex Outside of Marriage: Got a normal, healthy libido? Don’t act on it if you’re not married. Otherwise, a witch ye must be!

A Female Landowner: If you’ve bought real estate, you definitely cast a hex on the land. 

Extremely Wealthy: There’s no way you can be that rich without sorcery.

You Broke a Rule Mentioned in the Bible: Breaking biblical law seals your pact with the devil and grants you a one-way trip to hell.

Inheriting Money: Inheriting a fortune? You must have sold your soul (especially if you’re a woman).

Homeless or Lower Class: If you have no money or rely on your community to help you out financially, you must be resorting to black magic to make ends meet.

You Have Friends Who Are Women: You may want to think twice about that girls’ night out since a group of women going out together was suspected to be a coven going to make deals with the Devil.

Midwifery: Helping with childbirth? Clearly, you’re involved in something supernatural.

Dairy Products Have Spoiled Near You: Dairy was a huge piece of evidence supporting someone’s participation in witchcraft. If your milk or butter has spoiled or your cow has stopped producing milk, it has nothing to do with the natural spoiling process of dairy or the fertility cycles of your cows. It’s all that 

Dreams and Visions: Having vivid dreams? Must be communing with dark forces.

Having a Garden: Got an herb garden? Well, you must be harvesting the ingredients for your wicked potions.

Social Isolation: Think you’re an introvert? No, that’s actually your desire to brew your potions alone.

Praying Differently: If your prayers sounded more like incantations, you’re definitely the neighborhood spellcaster. May the dark spirits wrap your soul in the shadows.

Failure of Crops or Livestock: If your neighbor’s tomatoes didn’t grow or their sheep got attacked by wolves, it was clearly because you put a hex on them.

Visiting the Homes of the Accused: Bringing over a casserole for someone going through a hard time? Nope, you’re obviously recruiting for your coven.

Accusations from Others: Ever had a disagreement with your neighbor? You’ll likely be on trial by the end of the week.

Proclaiming Innocence: Insisting you’re not a witch? That’s just what a witch would say!

If you have experienced one or more of the above, thou wouldst have qualified as a Salem witch in 1692-1693 Salem, highlighting the Catch-22 nature of the trials themselves. Thankfully, whether you are or aren’t a witch in the modern day, you can practice your beliefs without fear of persecution. So happy Halloween, witches and wizards! May the shadow spirits guide you on adventures ahead!

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