For those who have chosen the path of living childfree, the decision to do so can often be a deeply personal and sometimes challenging one. It’s a decision that requires introspection, self-awareness, and a clear understanding of one’s values and desires. Vivienne Berryman, a seasoned life coach in the UK, has made it her mission to help individuals navigate this pivotal life choice, “Baby? Baby Not.”
In a candid interview with Vivienne, we delve into her own journey towards being childfree, her transition into the field of life coaching, and how the “Baby? Baby Not” question sits comfortably alongside her ‘what the hell am I doing with my life’ coaching service.
A Seamless Childfree Journey
Vivienne’s personal journey towards embracing a childfree life was marked by a sense of certainty that sets her apart from those who may struggle with this decision. She reflects on her younger years, saying, “I was in a long-term relationship during my late teens and early twenties, the kind where everyone assumes marriage and children are on the cards. But even then, I had reservations about it. It just never felt like the path I wanted to take.”
Her upbringing played a significant role in shaping her perspective. Raised in a non-traditional family, with divorced parents and a strong sense of independence, Vivienne never felt compelled to conform to societal expectations. She shared, “My upbringing wasn’t typical. My parents divorced when I was young, and my brothers and I grew up quite independently. I even felt like the matriarch of the family at times. So, the idea of having children never really resonated with me.”
Interestingly, Vivienne’s journey towards embracing a childfree life was marked by a lack of internal conflict. She emphasized, “It wasn’t a big decision for me. It was more like a feeling that having children was just not the right choice for me.”
When she met her husband, the subject of children was rarely discussed because it was more of an unspoken understanding. She recalled, “Even on our wedding day, someone asked when we were planning to have children, and the thought had never been at the forefront of my mind. It just wasn’t an option I was considering.”
However, several years into their marriage, her husband initiated a conversation about children. To her relief, he shared her sentiments, and the decision to remain childfree became a shared conviction. Vivienne stressed the importance of both partners aligning with the decision, saying, “It’s crucial that both partners feel secure in their choice and that it aligns with their values.”
The Evolution into a Life Coach
Before venturing into her role as a life coach, Vivienne had a diverse career background, primarily centered around administrative roles in various industries. However, a common thread ran through her career experiences—her innate ability to connect with people.
“Whether I was working in luxury retail or managing a studio, my roles always had a strong people component. I got to know my customers or colleagues on a personal level and often found myself being the go-to person to provide guidance and support.”
The transition to becoming a life coach wasn’t a premeditated decision but rather an organic evolution. Vivienne revealed that a friend’s casual suggestion sparked the idea. “A colleague mentioned the idea of me becoming a life coach, and it just resonated. It felt like a natural progression, considering my passion for helping people and my knack for understanding their unique needs.”
After finishing her life coaching course, Vivienne’s enthusiasm for her new path solidified. She discovered a genuine affinity for coaching and already having a deep understanding of emotional intelligence, which plays a pivotal role in her exploratory coaching style.
Introducing “Baby? Baby Not”
Vivienne’s journey as a life coach eventually led her to develop a specialized service called “Baby? Baby Not.” This unique offering addresses the complex decision of whether to have children or remain childfree. “Do I want children? Should I have children?” The idea for this service emerged from conversations with friends and clients who were wrestling with this significant life choice. “It’s a topic laden with societal expectations, familial pressure, and personal doubts. I wanted to create a safe space where individuals could explore their thoughts and feelings without judgment.”
“Baby? Baby Not” provides individuals and couples with an opportunity to engage in candid discussions about the prospect of having children. ”You both need to feel safe in how you’ve come to your decision and that it’s part of your values.” The session is a safe space to voice doubts, explore motivations, and weigh the pros and cons of this life-altering choice. Her role is not to push clients in one direction or the other but to facilitate a deeper exploration of their desires and motivations.
“There’s no point in me judging anyone. What I offer is a safe space for people to bring their honest thoughts and concerns. If you talk to your best mates, your peer group, your partner, your mum, or your dad about having children, everyone is going to have an opinion. And their opinions are going to be based on their experience and what they think of you. No one really knows exactly who we are because we present ourselves differently to everyone we meet. So in talking to me, you’re bringing your whole self, you are going to talk to me in a way that you don’t with anyone else.”
One of the biggest challenges clients face when trying to decide whether to have kids is whether they will regret being childfree in the future. Vivienne responds to that concern by asking: “What’s your fear for the future? What are you going to fear exactly in having a child or in not having a child?”
Another huge challenge is how to handle outside influences. Parents pressure their children and individuals often feel societal pressure to fit in with friend groups. Most clients emerge with more clarity in two or three sessions. However, Vivienne is always open to further exploration if clients feel the need for additional guidance in finding “the me I want to be” and to gain back agency and sense of self they have lost in their life.
“I don’t judge, and I don’t offer a definitive answer. Instead, I ask gently challenging questions that help clients think critically about their choices based on my clients’ relationships, values, career, personality, upbringing, and instincts. It’s about giving them the tools and insights to make an informed decision in a neutral space.”
Challenging Stereotypes and Embracing Childfreedom
Vivienne is passionate about challenging the stereotypes and misconceptions surrounding the choice to remain childfree. She believes that society’s emphasis on parenthood as the default life path can be harmful and limiting to individuals who may not desire parenthood. “The idea that having children is the only way to find fulfillment or purpose is outdated and damaging. It’s crucial for people to understand that they have choices and choosing to be childfree is fulfilling and should be seen as an equally meaningful way of living your life.”
Through her coaching service and advocacy work, Vivienne hopes to empower individuals to make choices that align with their values and desires. She acknowledges that the decision to remain childfree is not without challenges, such as potential criticism from family and friends, but she emphasizes the importance of staying true to oneself.
In a world where parenthood is often placed on a pedestal, Vivienne Berryman and her “Baby? Baby Not” coaching service provides a beacon of support and guidance for those navigating the less traveled path of child freedom. Through her compassionate and empathetic approach, she helps individuals find clarity and confidence in their life choices, reminding us all that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to a fulfilling life.
“Ultimately, it’s your life, and you have to live it authentically. Don’t let societal pressures dictate your choices. Embrace your childfree journey if that’s what resonates with you.”
Click here to book a free discovery call with Vivienne.
To learn more about Vivienne, visit her website.
